The Utes and No Shave November

It's officially "No Shave November" and not only will I be growing an awful beard, but the Utes will not take part in any shaving, either—shaving of their perfect record, that is. That's right, I'm assuming, no, I'm telling you that the Utes are going undefeated.

Utah's season is like a beard. A beard that starts out as questionable, but progresses into a beard finer than the one donned by "The Most Interesting Man," himself. As you get more and more adjusted to the beard, you begin to dig it more and more.

Since the beginning of the season, I've thought Utah didn't have a better beard than TCU, but Utah suddenly is rocking its beard better than Randy Moss and Zack Galifianakis, combined. The Horned Frogs' beard looked flawless, it looked as if it could be the best in the nation. Suddenly, however, the Utes have every hair growing into the right spots, filling its beard in to the fullest.

Yes, everything is falling into place for the Utes. With the fifth-ranked team in the nation, third-ranked offense, and sixth-ranked defense, things look promising for the Utes.

My beard will be horrible, like Jordan Wynn's "mustache" he shows off from time to time. That doesn't mean it's not something to be proud of, because Jordan Wynn is a stud, regardless of his mustache's status. I'll rep my beard, Wynn will rep his 'stache, and we'll all be fine.

I know BYU technically can't grow beards, but for the sake of my rant, I'm giving them one.

BYU's beard will be awful, but they'll think it's as beautiful as Brigham Young's masterpiece of facial hair—when in all actuality, it's terrible. Their beard will be the kind that you constantly want to shave and pretend never existed. Maybe the final product—BYU's bowl game—will serve as some sort of consolation prize, that is if they make it to one. I wouldn't be surprised if they failed to go the distance, though, they'll probably have to shave at some point—it's in the rules.

Once the end of November arrives, not only will the Utes shave and begin to prepare for the biggest game of their season—possibly even the history of the University of Utah—but also will I be erasing the nasty, month-long beard I have cherished.

Note: I would like to thank one of my best friends, Matt Ohrenberger, for the idea that sparked this random blog.